Parenting styles can vary significantly, even within the same family. Factors like personal experiences, birth order, and individual child temperament influence how parents raise their children. Research suggests that these differences in parenting approaches play a crucial role in shaping children’s emotional and cognitive development (Darling & Steinberg, 1993; Sulloway, 1996). Understanding the causes and impacts of parenting differences within families can lead to greater appreciation of diverse child-rearing strategies.
Parenting Across Generations
Parenting styles often differ between generations. Grandparents, parents, and even older siblings may have unique approaches to child-rearing. Older generations tend to emphasize discipline, structure, and traditional values, while younger parents might embrace more flexible, child-centered strategies. Research shows that these intergenerational parenting differences are shaped by evolving societal norms and economic conditions (Putnick et al., 2012). While such differences can lead to disagreements, they can also provide children with a well-rounded upbringing, offering both discipline and emotional support.
Parenting Styles Between Partners
Differences in parenting styles between partners are common due to their distinct upbringings, personalities, and beliefs. One parent may adopt a nurturing, permissive approach, while the other may focus more on structure and rules. Research by Belsky (1984) highlights how parenting differences between partners can impact child development, with consistency being key to fostering emotional security. Communication and compromise between parents are vital in creating a unified approach to parenting, ensuring that children benefit from a balanced environment.
The Influence of Birth Order on Parenting
Parents often unconsciously treat their firstborns differently from younger siblings. Firstborns typically experience more structured, disciplined parenting, while younger children may enjoy more leniency and flexibility. According to Sulloway (1996), birth order influences personality traits—firstborns tend to be more conscientious and responsible, while later-born children may be more sociable and risk-taking. This difference in parenting styles can shape sibling dynamics, personalities, and children’s future life approaches.
Parenting Styles Tailored to Individual Children
Every child is unique, and effective parenting requires adaptability. Parents must adjust their approach based on each child’s temperament, needs, and strengths. For instance, a more independent child may receive greater autonomy, while a sensitive child may require additional emotional support. Research by Thomas and Chess (1977) on temperament underscores the importance of parental responsiveness to each child’s individual needs. Flexible parenting ensures that each child gets the care and guidance most suited to their personality.
The Takeaway
Parenting styles may vary significantly within families, but the core goal remains the same: raising well-rounded, emotionally healthy, and responsible individuals. Recognizing and respecting these differences can foster understanding and create a more harmonious family environment. Research supports the idea that children thrive in households where parents offer a balanced, adaptive approach to parenting, ultimately enhancing both their emotional and cognitive growth (Baumrind, 1967).
Take Action Today
Having parenting differences can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to control your life. If you’re in Bowie and struggling with parenting differences, reaching out to a professional is an important step toward finding relief and regaining a sense of calm and balance in your life.
Call us at 301-701-6965 for a short chat with our Client Care Coordinator, who is available weekdays during our normal office hours. You can also fill out the New Patient Registration Form to be on your way to schedule and complete an initial assessment.
References
Baumrind, D. (1967). Child care practices anteceding three patterns of preschool behavior. Genetic Psychology Monographs, 75(1), 43-88.
Belsky, J. (1984). The determinants of parenting: A process model. Child Development, 55(1), 83-96. https://doi.org/10.2307/1129836
Darling, N., & Steinberg, L. (1993). Parenting style as context: An integrative model. Psychological Bulletin, 113(3), 487-496. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.113.3.487
Putnick, D. L., Bornstein, M. H., Lansford, J. E., Chang, L., Deater-Deckard, K., Di Giunta, L., … & Pastorelli, C. (2012). Agreement in mother and father acceptance-rejection, warmth, and hostility/rejection/neglect of children across nine countries. Cross-Cultural Research, 46(3), 191-223. https://doi.org/10.1177/1069397112440931
Sulloway, F. J. (1996). Born to rebel: Birth order, family dynamics, and creative lives. Pantheon Books.
Thomas, A., & Chess, S. (1977). Temperament and development. Brunner/Mazel.